it's like her boobs came off with her bra
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
