so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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