I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
