I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
