how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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