Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
