Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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