he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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