I got chris browned last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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