my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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