I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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