I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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