Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
