ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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