Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
