Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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