I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
