a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your penis caused this!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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