Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
