I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bring money and cleavage
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
