Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
