remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
