The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
