Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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