My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
