yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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