Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
