I can text with my tongue
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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