4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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