I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize