White coat. Heels.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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