oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
