k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
