I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
