BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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