I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
