My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
