I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
