Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
