i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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