you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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