Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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