i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
