Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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