I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
