I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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