my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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