Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
