You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
