How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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