how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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