come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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