I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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