3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
