I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
