You can't special order awesome
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
