How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
