We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
