Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
