Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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