oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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