Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
