She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
