she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're making bets on your personal life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
