the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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