I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
