We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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