I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize