Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
