Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you didnt know i had herpes?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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